Sooo lately it has been kind of hard for me…I have been getting kind of down about the whole wheelchair thing. I know I shouldn’t…but it is just real life that I do. That doesn’t mean that I would take this accident back for anything, because I truly appreciate everything that it has taught me and everything that has come from it…but it is still something that can be really hard for me at times.
Even six years later…. there is still that little bit of sadness in the back of my mind, and I do my best not let it bother me…It is only a little bit compared to the pain and sadness I used to feel..but it is always there, underlying everything in my life.
I think it is just seeing school starting back up again and all the college students coming back onto campus, running around and having fun.
It is just hard for me to not notice the way that people look at (or don’t look at) me or my other friends that are in wheelchairs…I know the stigma that is attached to being in a wheelchair, and I know the way that the majority of society can view us….
I can see them smiling and thinking “that is so cute” as me and another friend in a wheelchair cross the street together or go to the mall together. …and I can see them laugh and point at us from their cars, thinking it looks funny. There is a lot of other things I see…but I don’t really feel like writing them all out. (Because what I have heard too many times is “Megan, are you sure it is not just in your head?” and yes I am sure. I am not ignorant to the ways of the world. And yes, I also know that not everyone looks at me like that, and I am really thankful for those people in the world that are so sincere and real and compassionate, and fun, and just overall…not heartless and brainwashed and instead understand how to treat a person like a real person and actually tries to put themselves in others shoes and think about how they would feel if they were in that situation. And I am so incredibly thankful, that because of the wheelchair, I am so easily able to recognize those amazing people in the world and have such a greater appreciation for them.
It is hard to always keep your head up and have confidence….it is not easy to always be strong…. I feel like I have to be strong all the time when I go out into public and push around. I know it is getting a little easier each day…. I just hope there will come a day that I will be able to feel completely comfortable with who I am…or not even completely comfortable with who I am, because I know that no one ever really is…. but at least not let myself feel uncomfortable or feel like I am any less than anyone else just because I am in a wheelchair.
I have had a few friends, or just other people I know that are in wheelchairs, talk about how they have never had a boyfriend, or even gone on a date and they know a big reason why is because the wheelchair…
And I know this is true… and so when I think about this…I think about how amazing the guy that I end up with really is going to be. And that makes me happy.
… overall…this is just me explaining a part of my life to you…just something I am going through and will eventually make it all the way through. It is all a part of the process. The person I want to be is a strong person that can rise above all of this and know what is truly important in life. And that is exactly what the wheelchair is teaching me. And it helps that I really like a challenge…. 😉 Cuz this is a pretty big challenge 😛 haha
Adjusting to living with an SCI and instantly becoming a minority was hard and taught me a lot about a lot of things. Keep moving forward and keep breaking down barriers and hopefully society will see that it can be done and do the same. Just remember when the lemonade is bitter, it is ok to make the sour face, and look for more sugar!