September 10th, 2008
Out of everything I went through- my life changing moment happened 2 months after the accident when I finally got to go home for one night, after the 4 weeks in the hospital, one month in the nursing home, and the night before my 3 ½ weeks of rehab back at the hospital.
…My dad carried me down to my room and set me on my bed. I sat there, looking around at all of my things…exactly as they were before I left my house the night before the morning of the accident. I remembered I had just gotten off work and was in a hurry to meet up with my best friend Chelsie and her boyfriend to go to a party out in Belfair. My work clothes were thrown on the floor to the side. I had ran over and grabbed my hairbrush- left it on the floor next to my hair straightener. I had tried on 2 pairs of jeans and had thrown them on my bed…thinking they didn’t look good on me. I remembered all of this, and I began thinking about how all of these simple things I took so much for granted; running over here to grab this, running over there to grab that, I could no longer do anymore. As I sat there on my bed looking around I felt empty, and cold, and very alone. I felt like I was in a dead girl’s room. It felt like nothing in that room was mine. Like the girl who once lived there was gone and she’s never coming back. But the weirdest thing was that it didn’t feel like I ever really knew who she was. I had to start over…from nothing. Make my way in this world all over again. I am no longer that girl and I will never be that girl again. All my hopes and dreams were crushed. My life as I knew it…was over. I sat there staring at all of my trophies, thinking about how I should have run faster!!! Tried harder!! Scored that stupid goal!! Made those easy lay ups!! I looked at all my high-heels and thought of how I may never be able to wear them, ever again. I looked at those two pairs of jeans I had tried on but decided didn’t look good enough and thought of how good they DID look, and how I was always too hard on myself…as I looked at my own deteriorating legs where there used to be such strong muscles…now was nothing. I cried my eyes out. I felt lifeless. It was a feeling I hope I never feel again.