My Motivation

More motivation…for myself :p posting this video is going to motivate me to workout even harder…because I feel WEAK!!!! I honestly didn’t know how I was going to do when it came to climbing the rope today in Crossfit…a part of me honestly thought I would be able to just go up and down 2 times for sure, and maybe even three, in a row. Climbing ropes have always been one of my favorite things to do ever since I was a kid (I was the ruler of the p.e. rope climb in Purdy elementary school…we had 2 ropes side by side in p.e. and I literally beat every kid that tried to race me to the top. :p ) just had to brag about that for a second because It’s one of my favorite memories haha)  but annnnnyways, back to feeling weak. On Monday, during my 2nd day of Crossfit there were two guys in the workout class with me and they kept saying how strong my arms were and I kept saying they are weak right now. I told them I can’t believe how weak I am right now and that I haven’t worked out in FOREVER! They asked how I got so strong if I haven’t been working out and I said that I play wheelchair basketball…but then I remembered that I also pretty much just do dips all day long with everything I do (getting in and out of my wheelchair, in and out of the bath, in bed, when I pee like 20 times a day, etc.,
I have adapted to the life that I live and it just feels easy for me…but when you think about it, I am probably doing over 200 dips a day! But I am still not strong 😛 Doing dips for me is the same as you doing whatever you do everyday. If you work hard, you adapt and you get stronger to be able to handle whatever it is you need to do, and you do it in the way that works for you, whether that means getting help from someone or not, you still get stronger; mentally, emotionally and physically. But you have to start doing it in order to adapt and for it to get easier. soooo get yourself strong 🙂 It makes life easier.
But my point is…I am not strong right now. I am weak and I am slacking off. And I don’t feel good about myself.   I have not been lifting weights or anything for the last five months! I pretty much stopped working out once I made the decision to not go to tryouts for the USA team this year because I wanted/needed to get a career going. And now, as I start my new career path, I have been struggling to find the motivation to get back at it and push myself the way I did the last ten years of my life while training with the number one motivation being to make the USA Paralympic wheelchair basketball team.
Now…I am just trying to figure out where to pull that motivation from.
A lot of my motivation is in the fact that because of my ankle surgery last year…I am now able to really start working on my walking. Walking again is not something I am obsessed with, it is not something that I can’t live without, but when I know I am capable of more, I do not feel good until I push myself to reach whatever it is that I can reach.
I want to get active again and I want so see if I can change the way I feel about myself and about life. I don’t want to hold back. I don’t want to go home everyday to lay in my bed feeling sorry for myself. I want to know that I am strong and that I am truly doing what I feel like I am supposed to be doing in this world. 
Soooo my entire point was that I am not strong right now. I should be making it up and down that rope two or three times…and I couldn’t even make it 1 and a half times (in a row) I did climb it 7 more times and made it to the tope two more out of those 7 😛  But that’s okay, because I will. I am going to use that as my motivation. (In all honesty, I initially tried to cut out the end of the video where I try to go up the second time but fail 😛 but when I was about to cut it out I told myself, “Hell no you are not going to cut out the part that makes it real and honest and everything you want to be!” soooo I am leaving it…and I am using it as raw motivation…for myself. 🙂 Cuzzzz i need it!
Screen Shot 2018-05-03 at 10.00.37 PM

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